As promised we will post our Marriage Study topics so you can do them on your own.  Most of them you don’t need to be married for, so they really apply to all of us.

Week 1: Laundry

This is not the T-shirt kind of laundry.  This is the laundry that is in your life closet. All of those things in your life that are a source of stress, challenge, frustration, sadness, and maybe confusion. No one is without them.  We all have “dirty laundry” in our lives that we need to clean up.

The challenge is two fold.

First, make your laundry list.  List out all the things in your life that you would like to change or work on.  They can be personal (thoughts, attitude, actions), they can be financial (budget, choice making, debt, stress, work), or they can be marital (communication, different personalities, parenting, extended family).  Make your list- little and big alike.

Second, if you believe that God is sovereign, then He is sovereign ALL THE TIME.  It is impossible to be half way sovereign or sovereign in just part of our lives. So now, discipline yourself to go through your list and make a second list within a list.  List under each “laundry item” all the reasons why God would allow you to go through this challenge. Remember, this is a list about God’s sovereignty in your life- not about your mistakes and “natural consequences”.  So list it out.  Why would God allow you to be challenged in this way?  It’s a little like being a teacher and making a lesson plan.  What do you learn from this? What will be changed about you when this is all said and done?  How is your marriage going to be stronger because of this?

I went to a Dads Conference last week, but I have a confession to make. I am not a big conference guy. I do not generally enjoy conferences. I know there are usually a lot of great speakers who can challenge your thinking and the way you live you life, but most of the time I would rather read the book. You see, I am an introvert! I would rather not gather with hundreds of other people crammed in rows and absorbing mounds of information all day long. I would rather sit quietly and read a book about the same information. Then maybe talk with a couple of guys about it after.

But this conference was different. This conference had some similarities, actually a lot of similarities, to most conferences, but it was different. This was a conference that challenged a father and a husband to live life on very different terms than most men are willing to live. This conference challenged men to do a lot of things, but most fundamentally there were two themes. The first was to make disciples, starting with your children. The second was to have an open and honest relationship with our wife, starting by coming clean about any past or current sin left unconfessed, and followed up with more courageous conversations.

The first theme was championed by Phil Downer. During his several presentations, he shared stories of his many adventures in being discipled, as well as discipling other men. He traced his spiritual family tree back to a woman he never met, and can trace his spiritual descendants around the globe as they continue to impact people with the gospel. It started by discipling his children, one of whom spoke with him.  Now his life has impacted thousands as those he has discipled have reproduced spiritually through many generations. His life stands as an example of life of significance, the kind of life all of us desire when we are honest with ourselves. You can learn more about Phil Downer and Discipleship Network of America at www.dnaministries.org.

The second theme of the conference was about our relationship with our wife. Paul Speed began by sharing his former struggle with a particular sin and how he came clean to his wife and began to heal their relationship. It was not easy, but he and Jenny worked hard to overcome the chasm that sin caused in their relationship and now share their testimony and walk other couples through the process they had to go through themselves to find restoration. 

One other highlight regarding marriage came from Chris Hogan. Chris shared how all of us come into relationships desiring something. It may be good and noble, but when our desire is not met, we often feel angry. This anger often leads to some action, maybe an outburst or silence, followed by pride, telling myself I was justified. But when confronted with the pain of those we love, we feel shame and guilt, which can lead to grief and fear. But the desire is still their and the pattern repeats itself. This is the ugly reality of most relationships, especially marriages. How can we break the cycle? Chris and Ann Hogan have developed Noble Call Ministries to help couples do just that. They work with couples and groups, as well as speak at and host conferences, to share the skills they have learned work for them and so many others. It all begins with dying to self, as Jesus said.

This was a great conference, and I was able to deepen new friendships, make some new ones, see most of my family, and spend many hours with two of my closest friends.  I am grateful for this weekend, and for the incredible relationship I have with Jill. I am very aware of my shortcomings as a husband and father, but thankful for the challenge of this weekend.

If there are any men who want to talk about any of the topics mentioned above, I would love to talk more about them. I know it is intimidating to change the way you have been living and start to lead your family as God designed.  I know many are terrified and have no idea where to begin.  I know many wives do not trust their husbands because they have not led the family and have sought pleasure for themselves instead.  I know it is hard.  I know.  But it’s worth it!  I have a passion to see men stand up and be the men God created us to be, and I know we cannot do it alone. Be courageous guys. Step up!

There Off!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning our Dad and Mr. Prieser (another dad and great friend of the family) are off to a Dad’s Conference! We are so excited for them to learn and grow as well as have a great time of renewal and inspiration!

see  more about it     http://ati.iblp.org/ati/family/news/dadsconference/

Right now they are driving from CT, across PA through the mountains, to Sharon , PA to pick up another Dad (Mr. Bestwick), and then tomorrow they will hit the road again towards IN.

The conference runs for four days and has AMAZING Godly speakers.  What a blessing that each of our families have Dad’s that want to be the BEST dads they can be!

Stay tuned for updates!

Paul writes to Timothy to flee and pursue, and gives a list of things to pursue.  That list begins with righteousness.  Paul gives us an interesting dilemma here.  There is no one who is righteous, no not one.  It is only in Jesus that anyone is righteous, since none of us have a righteousness of our own.  So what is Paul telling Timothy?  Why would he tell him to pursue something that is given by God, not earned in some life pursuit?  I think for very good reason.

The word righteousness in the Greek is the same word as justice.  We translate it both ways, but in English we use those words differently.  In reality, they are two sides of the same coin.  We can look at it and say that because God is just, He must require that we are righteous.  His justice requires our righteousness.  He requires us to be like Him.  But knowing we cannot ever be like Him, He provided Jesus to pay the penalty for our sin, thus making anyone who is in Christ a new creation, and righteous.

But Timothy was already in Christ, so why would Paul tell him to pursue righteousness?  We are called to continue to pursue holiness, working out our salvation, as long as we are on this earth.  We are to continually be transformed to more fully reflect the light of Christ to the world.  We are to press on toward that goal, pursuing it as we would pursue a prize at the end of a race.  The danger is that if we are not pursuing righteousness we will drift toward unrighteousness.  That is our nature.  That is our flesh.  That is the danger of lukewarm Christianity.  We must pursue righteousness, constantly striving for obedience, not that we earn salvation through it, but that we would be more faithful disciples.  This is what it means to delight yourself in the Lord and nothing else.  Constant pursuit of Him!

If we are fleeing from the things the world says are important, such as money, material possessions, even status in our community or workplace, but have no where to run, we are running unrestrained.  “Without vision, the people perish.”  Literally, the word translated perish means unrestrained.  Without something to capture our attention and focus, we will be unrestrained.  We will do what seems best in our own eyes, what is pleasing to our own nature.  The world will help us with that by telling us what is important.  They will tell us how to heal our wounds, emotional or otherwise.  The world will tell us how to feel good about ourselves.  The world will tell us all kinds of things that may even sound good.  The world will provide that direction for us. 

But Paul doesn’t just say “flee from all this”, he says “…and pursue.”  Paul gives us that much needed direction, vision, so that we will not be unrestrained, unbridled.  An unbridled horse will run wildly and will not easily be caught.  He may do harm to himself and others if left unbridled and running wild.  But when under control of the rider, that same horse can be ridden in any direction, used to work, and kept completely under control.  We are no different.  For God to use us effectively, we have to be under His control, not unbridled.

So you, man of God, flee from what the world demands of you and sells you.  Flee from what the world would have you believe is most important.  Flee from prioritizing that which will draw your heart from your God and your family.  Flee from the subtle dangers of the good things of this world that draw us away from the only truly good thing, God Himself.  Flee from all of this, and pursue a vision of a life lived with purpose and meaning.  Flee from all this, and pursue a life that will bring God glory.  Flee from all this and pursue a life through which you will be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  “Flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness” (1Timothy 6:11).

To pursue isn’t just to run after, but to pursue earnestly and diligently with a desire to obtain.  In the coming days we will explore what it means to pursue with that desire each one of these things in the context of our lives as men, husbands, and fathers.  I look forward to sharing some of what God is doing in me through this passage and so many more.

I continue to wrestle with Paul’s challenge to Timothy to “flee from all this.”  In reading what Paul is calling Timothy to flee from, it is clear that most of the challenge has to do with the dangers of the love of money.  There is also an admonition to beware those who are teaching anything that does not agree with the instruction Jesus had given.  This is a great reminder for all of us.  But I want to focus for now on the dangers of the love of money in our world today.

Paul saw those who were using the faith as a means to make a profit.  We see that even today.  But I think Paul is pushing deeper than that.  Paul is writing that Timothy must beware those who love money in any form.  There are incredible dangers.  “People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.  Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs” (1Tim. 6:9-10).  What does that look like today?

It is easy to look and say there are those who are workaholics and greedy and accumulating wealth and assume Paul would point to them today.  I have to wonder, however, how the Lord looks at us in America today, overwhelmed by debt, striving to keep up with the Joneses and keep our image intact.  I see so many people who have become convinced that they must have a big house with a room for each child.  We feel the need to have new cars, the right clothes, the latest mobile phone, etc.  With the collapse of the economy, many have had to deal with the loss of many of these things.  As a result, they have lost their identity and are overwhelmed by life.

That is why Paul says, “flee from all this.”  It is dangerous to allow what we have to define us.  Proverbs 22:7 says that “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.”  We should not have debt.  Anything that puts us in a position to have to borrow should be a no.  If we are interested in purchasing something and do not have the money for it, we should heed Paul’s words and “flee from all this.”

But if we only flee, we run aimlessly.  Paul tells us to “flee from all this, and pursue….”  Paul gives us direction in our fleeing, and we will explore that in the posts to come.  But for now, if you are are looking at money and possessions as things you “have to have”, hear Paul’s words…But you, man of God, flee from all this…”